Paducah – What was originally meant to be a wholesome family game night turned into a glorious revolution against the bourgeoisie. After discovering that they had become bankrupt, the Lebedev family found themselves trapped by the pitfalls of capitalism. Alexi – the oldest son and sole proprietor of the monopoly board, was unprepared for the marxist uprising that had formed at the dining room table.

“The economical environment my son created is beneficial to only him,” Boris Lebedev, father of the family explained. “How is it fair for one man to own one hundred percent of the Monopoly board?”

Alexi, who was now cosplaying as the Monopoly Man, slid a crisp, pink bill from the game box across the table. It was a tawdry bribe. The sham currency remained untouched as the other Lebedevs discussed revolution. Alexi attempted to seal the moneybag that laid on his lap, filled with the colorful cash. The father aggressively confiscated the bag from him and began to distribute it evenly among his family members.

“To save the working people from the yoke of the landowners and capitalists. To save them from the restoration of their power, it is necessary to build up a great Red Army of Lebedevs.” Boris lead the charge as they took control of the monopoly board, splitting the properties evenly. Each member of the family now controlled an equal distribution of monopoly tiles. The bank was centralized and rebranded as the Gosbank. Whenever anyone passed GO, no money was collected.  Alexi was named an enemy of the household and was promptly sent to the Gulag.

When asked for a comment, HASBRO™ responded with, “Who are you?” Which led to the following question, “Why are you in my office?” After being escorted off the premises, a police report was released, detailing the last moments of the Lebedev family. They had all starved; not because of the blatant flaws of communism, but because Monopoly games with unnecessary houserules take forever to finish.